Do you and your spouse parent the same? My guess is you don't, but if you do - yay you! Really.This is how it goes in my house. I say time for bed. Dad says let's finish Beavis & Butthead. I say 1 cookie is enough. Dad says it's a party - have all you want. I say what do you think about letting the kids play in the freeway while we go to Target? Dad says something sensible like let's hire a babysitter. It's exhausting.
I hear told time and again how I'm the disciplinarian and he's the softy. Those 3 girls have him wrapped around their fingers! Boy, she runs a tight ship!
Nothing like being pigeonholed. Like I want to crack the whip?! Well maybe a little. But I would really enjoy it if I had a partner to crack that whip with. We could stand side by side dressed in leather like superheros cracking our whips while our kids follow our every order including making us perfect mixed drinks like a Mai Thai or Gin & Tonic.
Hmmmm...that little scene doesn't quite sound like I thought it would. Well, maybe we are supposed to have these distinctly different roles. Maybe as frustrating and hair pulling of an experience this team effort can be, we are supposed to sort of balance each other out. Sort of like yin and yang with a whip and a remote?
8 comments:
EVERY family has this diversity in parenting style. Yours sounds a lot like ours.
The key to raising kids, though, is to take hubby aside, make it clear that you win. Period. And he'd better back you up.
Or you won't be sharing the whip with him later.
I've got the same thing going on over here. This Saturday I was sitting in the kitchen when Mr. M walked in and announced (after the fact of course) that his dad had let him ride his bike ALL BY HIMSELF across a major thoroughfare, past several blocks, to the park. I spilled coffee all over my pajamas. Good grief.
I don't think we parent exactly the same way, but we do not contradict each other or reverse the other's decision. EVER. If we disagree, we discuss it privately, later.
This is something we talked about in depth before we even started trying to get pregnant. Discipline doesn't work as well when it only comes from one parent.
It's probably easier with us, though, because we so mostly agree about the appropriate level of discipline. Also, it's mostly theoretical right now because we have one 19-m.o. toddler and one fetus. The fetus requires no discipline.
Nice! New Age Bondage parenting. That should leave a good need for counseling in your kids.
Ok. In seriousness I know few households where the parents are on the same page. Tends to be a more "good cop - bad cop" scenario. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes on accident. I agree with the comment Peeved Michelle made about not disagreeing in front of the kids. This is a HUGE downfall in many households because no one agrees all the time BUT to disagree with each other in front of the kids allows them to see a weakness in your teamwork. Allowing them to see which parent caves in and where the real power stands and in the end this can ruin households because the kids begin using the parents against each other. Cause of course two parents are two diverse people and going to approach things on different levels sometimes but in the end you have to maintain a "picture" of standing as one or the kids end up winning. Even when you saw it coming.
I told the husband about this post and he said that if you don't want the kids to have cookies, then quit baking so many cookies!
Yeah, you need the diversity. I'm totally the softy here - not by nature, because by nature I would be crackin' that whip so hard it would whip back & hit me in the frappin' eye.
But because my husband is SO STERN with the kids that I feel the need to balance it out. So I make them mind and act less like yard apes than they would really like... but sometimes I unleash with a good rassle*. Because all kids need a good rassle/tickle fight every now & then.
*That's "wrestle" for the un-Southerners who read this.
My oldest's best friend (daughter is 8, friend is 9) came over one day because her mom had to move some stuff to their new apt. Since her mom didn't state outright, I asked the girl if her dad was going to move later, after the house was taken care of. Turns out her parents are separating and their girls will be living with their mom.
Anyway, the point of this is that my daughter looked at her, and in all seriousness, told her she should live with her dad. The reason? Because "dads are nicer." *boggle* Gee, thanks child-from-my-womb. We parent similarly, and really what my daughter meant to say (though she didn't know it) is that her dad's not home very often (full-time work and full-time school) and she pretty much has me as the sole disciplinarian. Dad's not really "nicer", but he's here less frequently. Heh.
(P.S. Love your blog. Especially the title, which totally had me intrigued enough after seeing a comment on Askthebloggess. Something I say to give me a moment of levity when I'm seriously frustrated with my three little spawn is "Where's the duct tape?" about three times in the past 6 years (can't say 8, 'cause they weren't that bad at 2) I've said, "If it weren't horrible, I'd totally have broken out the duct tape." Those were some bad days. But the thought of them being duct-taped to walls in a style kind of like those Velcro suits that you use to jump against the air-supported "walls", makes me feel silly.
P.P.S. Really, I've never actually used the duct tape, despite the great blue and red colors I once purchased for the purpose of making tampon blowguns and ammo belts with the "Red vs. Blue" machima in mind for my brother-in-law and older brother.
P.P.P.S. http://www.tamponcrafts.com/gun.html
and
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_vs._Blue
Also, it's my youngest's 5th birthday today and I'm feeling O-L-D. It probably doesn't help that I have vitiligo, and found a white patch of hair on the left side of my head (thankfully hidden under the top layers). (And my left eyebrow and eyelashes are nearly entirely white. I kid you not. Fun fact: Michael Jackson is "white" because of his having vitiligo.)
P.S. My word verification is so not kid-friendly. "hoednes"? There should really be some filters for CAPTCHA or something.
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