Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Potty Training Will Make You A Cripple

Go ahead. Read the books. Blah, blah, blah. They'll talk about timing. They'll tell you about how much your therapy bill will be if you push it on them. They'll write about incentives and not disciplining. Whatever. Like I wrote above, blah, blah, blah. Do you think they'd dedicate one single page, forget that, paragraph to perhaps the most important part of potty training?

How Not To Become A Cripple: 
strategies for hefting 25-35 lbs of squirming toddler on & off the crapper

Yeah, would someone who writes these books please include a little snippet of proper back care? I mean who gives a crap (yeah, haha...) if your kid is out of diapers if YOU are now in traction?! Who planned this anyway? What, most toilets are around shin-height? Most toddlers are mid-thigh height? You have to bend over just enough that you don't think to use your knees, THEN you have to swing this dead weight of a squirming kid and plop it onto the seat with precision or your extracting the thing from the bowels of the damn flusher. Do I have to say, ewww?

And don't start with the "my kid climbs a stool" or "my kid uses the (disgusting I might add) training potty" because those things do not help you when you are having to find bathrooms all over hell and back in between carpool runs and grocery store trips. EVERYONE has to lift their kid onto the toilet at some point and will have to repeatedly.

So yes. My 2 year old is now potty trained. We had no issues. She didn't cry. She didn't make gross messes all over the place. Nothing terribly disgusting occurred. But I haven't been able to run since November. In runner's years that's like a day away from losing your sanity.


The Mother said...

They don't include the lifting part because the psychologists who write potty training books do not have degrees in orthopedics.

Lift with your knees, not your back. Too late now, of course.

You're one up on me, since I never managed to potty train even one of my kids. Congratulations.

Rima said...

The lifting never bothered me as much as the messes. But I like the picture you drew. (When I first looked at it, I thought that it depicted a mother, child, and a puddle of pee.)

Christa said...

Oh, yes! I totally missed the early opportunity with my 18 month old. She totally knew her pee was coming and wanted to get into the bathroom, but I couldn't give her the physical support needed because of this pregnancy. It does take lots from mom to get them to the potty independence. Great job for you getting it done!

Mommy Housewife said...

my son will be 3 in less than a week. he is not potty trained. he's getting there, sorta. there are lots of messes. and yes, they did skip the part about the lifting. the daycare my daughter went to trained her in a week. my son does not go to daycare. so i'm trying to figure this out. I screwed up my back a year before I got pregnant with him and I'm still having serious issues. the lifting sucks. oh, and he's scared of the giant public pottys

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

TWO years old! You are one fast momma. Hats off.

I did things The Mother's way, which is to say, I did nothing. Almost to the day of his third birthday, Mr. M just "got it" and that was that.

Wendy said...

Your two-year-old is done????

And you haven't run since November? Ack!

It would be worth it, though.

As for the back? This is why I recommend getting knocked up when you're 20. Everything is easier.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

I hate potty training. HATE. And my 3 1/2 years old is just now getting close to being fully potty trained. I have the over-the-pond move as an excuse. But that doesn't mean that my head didn't explode a gazillion times in the potty training process.

Loco YaYa said...

Head over and see what I left you.


口香糖 said...

Hello,這裡真是百看不厭的部落格 ........................................

SoccerMom said...

I don't have any small children anymore, but............ I do have one fat wiener dog that hasnt been able to get out and walk much with this winter weather. I think my tennis elbow is flaring up from picking up his fat but to put him outside. Thats kinda the same isnt it?

Mwinder05@comcast.net Zap away!

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

I swear, potty training is ly least favorite part of parenting so far.